gaines without frontiers*

merlin: basilton: In the early years of space flight, both...

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 14:15:40 -0500

basilton:

In the early years of space flight, both Russians and Americans used pencils in space. Unfortunately, pencil lead is made of graphite, a highly conductive material. Snapped graphite leads and particles in zero gravity are hugely problematic, as they will get sucked into the air ventilation or electronic equipment, easily causing shorts or fires in the pure oxygen environment of a capsule.

After the fire in Apollo 1 which killed all the astronauts on board, NASA required a writing instrument that wasn’t a fire hazard. Fisher spent over a million dollars (of his own money) creating a pressurized ball point pen, which NASA bought at $2.95 each. The Russian space program also switched over from pencils shortly after.

40 years later snide morons on the internet still snigger about it, because snide morons on the internet never know what they are talking about.

Turns. OUT!

(Can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to share this deflatingly accurate correction with The Snide.)

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the..."

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 14:49:36 -0500

““When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.””

- Fred Rogers

LISTICLE: Top 10 Shirtless Coaches Of All Time, Ranked

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 10:18:00 -0600

Yesterday, a photo of Steve Spurrier coaching shirtless made the internet rounds, mostly with incorrect information that it was a new/recent thing. In fact, the picture was from last year. The confusion, however was understandable as Spurrier is but one of a grand tradition of (mostly, but not exclusively, as we shall see) southern coaches who ain’t skeered to let it all hang out. In honor of spring being right around the corner, we’ve put together a list of the top 10 greatest shirtless coaches.

10. Bruce Pearl, Tennessee

Source: Busted Coverage

We get it, dude, you like to take your shirt off. Nobody likes you, go away. This could have been the “Top 10 Bruce Pearl Shirtless Moments,” but we don’t want the blog to end up sanctioned by the NCAA, now do we?

9. Gib Arnold. Hawaii

(Source: Hawaii Video/Vimeo)

Hawaii basketball has a lot of recruiting disadvantages due to the location, but one big-ass recruiting advantage - it’s Hawaii. We had no idea who the hell Gib Arnold was before seeing this Hawaii basketball recruiting video, and we still have no idea if he knows anything about basketball. But he can teach his players to surf. So there’s that.

8. Terry Francona, Boston Red Sox

(Source: Masshole Sports - obviously)

Who knows why he thought this was a good idea, but I’m willing to bet at least 70% of Red Sox fans have an identical picture of themselves at a party somewhere.

7. Bret Bielema, Arkansas

(Source: Deadspin)

After this photo hit the internet a couple years back, Wisconsin fans should have known Bielema’s departure for the SEC was going to happen someday. It just feels right there.

6. Barry Switzer, Oklahoma/Dallas

(Source: The Landry Hat)

Barry Switzer would assuredly rank higher on this scientifically-ranked list if there were better evidence of his shirtless hijinks, because if there’s one coach you KNOW has engaged in shirtless hijinks/drug-running/moonshining/etc., it’s Barry Switzer. But just sitting in a chair, drinking a beer, laughing? Barry, we know you can do better.

5. Pete Carroll, USC

(Source: BeatSC.com)

Nobody likes a show-off, coach. We know you’re dreamy, you don’t have to rub it in. Try dressing like that in Seattle.

4. Bill Self, Kansas

(Source: Eh, all over the internet)

Bill Self is smart. He knows it is of the utmost importance to protect his investment up top - he paid a lot of money for that hair and damned if he’s going to let the Maui surf run off with it. He gets points on this list for not just lounging in a swimsuit but actually going into the water. Way to get after it, coach.

3. Harry Kipke, Michigan

(Source: MVictors)

How’s your Harry Kipke? You probably didn’t even know that Harry Kipke was the head coach at Meechigan in the ’30s, much less that he had a boat called the Flo. Now you know. Motherfucker was a boat captain. WITH A BOAT CAPTAIN HAT. That’s the Michigan Difference right there.

2. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina

Steve Spurrier is the dean of being shirtless. The Ol’ Ball Coach gives no fucks what you think about his middle-aged-slash-elderly body hanging out in the South Carolina breeze, because he’s Steve Fucking Spurrier. We should all be so lucky as to be Steve Spurrier’s tanned belly. Despite what you’ve seen on all the less-reputable sports sites out there in the last day, this is not a picture from this year’s spring practice. This is from last year, according to Spencer Hall, who would know.

1. Howard Schnellenberger, America

(Source: AP/Yahoo)

Steve Spurrier Shirtless News notwithstanding, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Spencer Hall of EDSBS over the years, it’s that Howard Schnellenberger tops the rankings (well, suspenders top the rankings. Howard Schnellenberger MAKES the rankings. I may not have learned the lesson all that well, now that I think about it. I don’t care). All the rankings. You got a problem with that, take it up with Schnelly.

Everything Old Is New Again - Marc Trestman, Jay Cutler, and Déjà Vu

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:55:44 -0600

Stop me if this sounds familiar:

[Jay Cutler], the quarterback, is looking particularly vulnerable. Last season, he was…Most Valuable Player, passing for a team record of 4,689 yards. In Monday night’s 31-10 defeat […] he was sacked five times and completed only 14 of 29 passing attempts. Defeat, and the constant battering… led [Cutler] to let his frustrations get the better of him in front of a national television audience, directing a stream of invective at […] the offensive co-ordinator.

[Cutler] may hold an award as Most Valuable Player, but he has little chance of winning one as most popular player. Never slow to point the finger at team mates, he cannot expect much support now that the fingers are pointing at him, but opinion is divided on whether he is a victim of [Chicago]’s poor start or its cause.

Bears fans have read these sentences, or sentences just like them, about a billion or so times in the 4 seasons since Jay Cutler came to Chicago. So what’s so special about the above quote?

It’s not about Jay Cutler (BOOM, HAMMER DROPPED). It’s a 2003 story from noted NFL journal The Times of London about Rich Gannon and the Oakland Raiders. The “offensive co-ordinator” mentioned as the subject of Gannon’s rage? You guessed it - Marc Trestman.

What’s the point here? The point is that if anyone can get a mercurial, inconsistent, physically gifted Jay Cutler to be a championship-caliber QB, it’s the guy who got the mercurial, inconsistent, physically gifted Rich Gannon to be a championship-caliber QB. I hope.

The Problem With Anonymous, Topeka Edition

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 15:45:00 -0600

As you may have heard by now, the loosely-affiliated group of online activists who work under the banner of Anonymous released a dossier of personal information about the horrid, loathsome members of Topeka’s Westboro Baptist Church. The goal is to presumably shame and expose the WBC members as the hateful trolls they are. Normally, I’d say that’s a fine goal. Unfortunately, it probably won’t work like that.

Picture taken by me - WBC protesting Bill Maher’s show in Lawrence, KS. The photo makes it look like they’re protesting Cold Stone Creamery, which is better.

Anon’s heart might be in the right place, but here’s the problem with this. The evil jackasses of Westboro Baptist Church love the attention and are probably eating this all up right now. There have been many efforts over the years to expose and shame the Phelps clan. All of them have failed - the problem is that people without shame cannot be shamed. Additionally, it’s not as most of this information is new. Most of it is publicly available - from names and addresses through IP addresses and WHOIS information. For better or worse, at least some of it is outdated and/or incorrect.

But those problems don’t bother me. If you or anyone else want to order a dozen pizzas to Margie Phelps’ house every evening, go for it. I’m not REALLY going to complain with anything that makes their lives harder or less enjoyable.

Here’s where I DO have a problem, though. One of the people listed in their “dossier” is a granddaughter of Fred Phelps and, as it happens, a former acquaintance of mine through a former job. This woman left her entire family and life behind when she made the decision to leave Westboro. She abhors everything they stand for. She is a wonderful, courageous woman…and yet, there’s her name in Anonymous’ dossier, along with the members of the church. Luckily, Anonymous isn’t that good at doing their homework and have almost ALL of her information wrong - from her address, city, phone number, and place of employment all the way up to her NAME (she’s married and no longer technically a “Phelps”). If Anonymous is going to really “wage war” on Westboro - a tactic that many before them have tried - they might want to aim carefully before they fire.

Which brings us to another issue. Not only do they have innocents in their crosshairs, several of the Phelps clan are VERY good attorneys…yes, in addition to being hateful scumbags. Attorney friends in Topeka have told me many times that the Phelps’ are very well respected professionally, if not personally. Winning/settling lawsuits directed at them is popularly assumed* to be a primary source of their income. In other words, they know their rights.

Additionally, a few members of the Phelps family either work for or alongside SRS (Kansas’ beleaguered social services agency), as explained in the Anonymous dossier. Again, I’m told by people in Topeka that the state has long been aware of their presence and would LOVE for nothing more than to be able to axe them…without a huge, costly legal battle. So what’s an “online activist” to do with all that work information? Complain to the state? They already know. Flood SRS with phone calls and letters? What the hell is that going to do? Harassing SRS, an agency already severely overworked, understaffed, and underfunded, will only serve to prevent needy Kansans from receiving services they already have a hard time receiving.

As always, the solution to Westboro Baptist Church is silence. Don’t put them on TV. Don’t give them another opportunity to make more money off a lawsuit. Marginalize them. Ignore them. That’s the only way to (legally) make them go away.

*UPDATE: James Gordon of the Ottawa (ON) Citizen tells me that WBC has only filed five civil suits and none since 2007. I may be incorrect on the sources of their income - I was just repeating the conventional wisdom. That said, the Phelps Chartered law firm exists so WBC assuredly derives some income from legal matters.

I have a confession to make.

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 19:00:52 -0600

I don’t have a college degree of any kind.

It’s an embarrassing admission, one I’ve avoided publicly for the past 10 years. Sure, I went to college; indeed, I spent a lot of time there. But my college transcript is littered with Ds, Fs, and Ws. Like many things throughout my life, I didn’t take my education seriously. Oh sure, I got a lot out of college - I even got a lot out of individual classes I took. But no, I don’t have a college degree, and I have a 1.75 GPA and 36 credit hours to my name. Just one shitty, Natty Lite-filled freshman year to my name. Pretty pathetic, isn’t it?

As life went on, I was able to secure a few pretty decent jobs for someone without a college education. I’ve been in sales, I was (laughably) an admissions counselor for a trade school, I was a customer service manager for a cable company call center. And, as many people know, I was a sometime-writer for a couple different websites. It IS possible for someone with a high school diploma to do better than bagging groceries or flipping burgers. But it’s not easy.

For the past couple years, I’ve been a service advisor at a car dealership. I’m the guy who you work with when you bring your car in for service. I’m the guy who tells you you need to fix things on your car, even though all you wanted was an oil change. It’s not a dishonest job. I only tell people what their cars need. But I’m still an unwelcome messenger. The pay is pretty good - I do a lot better than a lot of people I know with even advanced degrees. But the job is monotonous and thankless and there’s not a lot of opportunity for advancement. It’s retail sales with a slightly technical twist.

Throughout all of this, there has been one constant: my mother telling me I needed to go back to school and finish my degree. No matter what new job I got over the years, while she was happy at the financial side of it, she always expressed concern that it was taking me further from that elusive bachelor’s degree.

Well now, guess what? She’s not around to tell me what to do. And that…that fucking sucks. But the one thing she DID do before she left? She left me enough money to go back to school full time to finish a degree. And that’s what I’m doing, because that’s what I want to do and that’s what SHE wanted me to do.

I don’t know what I should do, unfortunately. I don’t know where I should go. I don’t even know HOW to quite go about this. But the opportunity is there, and I have had just about enough of car dealerships and call centers. I’m smarter than all that, and thanks to my mom, I can finally show it.

This is just the best. sorryyourheinous: Matt Wieters,...

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:51:19 -0500

This is just the best.

sorryyourheinous:

Matt Wieters, original photo via David Roth, who you should read.

OK, so what the hell was this guy doing at the Cubs-Astros game...

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 17:15:03 -0500

OK, so what the hell was this guy doing at the Cubs-Astros game today?

Places I Have Lived

Wed, 08 Aug 2012 13:29:00 -0500

Inspired by The Billfold’s series on rental histories, I’ve decided to list every place I’ve ever lived. Why? I dunno. I’m bored, maybe? There have been a couple months-long couchsurfing adventures sandwiched in between a few of these places, but those don’t count. I have some dignity left, and I’ll do my damndest to keep it that way.

1980-1984:
Smithfield Cir., Jamestown Subdivision
Fitchburg, WI 53714

This is my first house, located in a suburb just to the south of Madison, WI. I don’t remember much about it other than playing in the yard and cul-de-sac. My parents have often stated their biggest regret in life is moving out of the Madison area. I can’t say I disagree.

1984-1989
Sumac Ln., Valley View Subdivision
Cherry Valley, IL 61016

Our first Rockford-area home, in a quite nice, semi-rural suburb southeast of Rockford. This was ’80s suburbia at its finest, but my parents absolutely loathed this home and, from what little I remember, most of the neighborhood.

1989-1998
Bordeaux Dr., Shaw Woods Subdivision
Rockford, IL 61107

This is essentially where I grew up - a leafy, Yuppie, upwardly mobile suburbia-style subdivision. At the time we built the house, every house on the block had parents in their early-mid 30s, most with 2-3 kids. It was a very upwardly mobile, aspirational neighborhood. Our family was quite close with several others on the street. Since then, every single couple I knew from this block has gotten divorced.

1998-1999
McCollum Hall
Lawrence, KS 66045

Off to college. In retrospect, I kinda wish I hadn’t met the guy on the floor with a fake ID on my first day there. On the other hand, it was a dorm. We partied too much, had a blast, wouldn’t trade it for the world…and I would never, ever care to step foot in there again.

1999-2000
Gateway Ct., Sunrise Village
Lawrence, KS 66049

I’m sure these townhomes were very nice when they were built in the early ’80s. 15-20 years and 15-20 sets of college students later…they needed a little work. The owner of the complex at the time was an elderly Asian man who singlehandedly repainted the entire townhome complex…or at least as much of it as he could reach from his stepladder. My roommates, friends from the dorms, got into drugs and dropped out of school. I spent most of the year in class, working, or visiting high school friends at Illinois State University.

2000-2002
10th & Alabama St.,
Lawrence, KS 66044

These split-level fourplexes are everywhere near KU’s campus. They’re small and not particularly well-lit, but they are cheap and plentiful and most of them are quite well kept. I lived here with the greatest roommate of all time. I wish I’d been better to him.

2002-2003
20th Street
Rockford, IL 61104

After college, I moved back to my hometown to work for a minor-league basketball team. It was supposed to be a brief internship that became the first of two jobs over two years in Rockford. I shared the downstairs apartment of this well-maintained, remodeled two-flat with a good high school friend who was (and is) a kindergarten teacher. My roommate wasn’t around much after he met his now-wife, which was just fine with me. Unfortunately, the neighborhood is in decline, as so many neighborhoods in Rockford are.

2003-2004
S. 2nd St., River District
Rockford, IL 61104

Oh, how I loved this gut-rehabbed two-flat in downtown Rockford. It was within stumbling distance of the downtown bar district and was absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, it was in Rockford.

2004-2005
11th & Mississippi
Lawrence, KS 66044

This tiny one-bedroom apartment had two redeeming qualities - it had been completely remodeled before I moved in and it was right across the street from the football stadium.

2005-2007
11th & Illinois
Lawrence, KS 66044

Another of the Lawrence split-level fourplexes, though this one had a great courtyard and made for the best tailgate location in town. The football stadium is just across the street to the right. See those little windows in the front? Yeah, those are in the shower. No wonder a more recent tenant covered the bottom right window completely (that was my shower, actually).

2007-2008, 2010
Ohio St., Old West Lawrence
Lawrence, KS

I shared this restored 3-bedroom home in Old West Lawrence with two friends. It was huge, and the kitchen was bigger than some of the previous one-bedroom apartments I’d lived in - it had an island! There was a gorgeous deck off the kitchen where I spent many evenings grilling various meatstuffs. I moved back in after my first tour of duty in Chicago, during which I lived…

2008
Sheridan Rd., Edgewater
Chicago, IL 60660

Beautiful view (you can see Lake Michigan behind the building; my bedroom looked out on the lake), psycho roommate. The former trumped the latter, and I got the hell out of there while my belongings and person were still intact.

2009-2010
Farragut Ave., Andersonville
Chicago, IL 60640
Andersonville is lovely; it’s also expensive. This upstairs 2.5-BR flat was nothing special, but I had a great roommate. I felt terrible about leaving when I got laid off from my job and had to move back to Kansas to make ends meet and lick my wounds.

2011
Eldridge St., Eagle Ridge
Lawrence, KS 66049

As noted, I moved back into the Ohio Street house for 7 months in 2010 before moving in with an ex (in fairness, she wasn’t an ex at the time) here for 8 months. The less said about that, the better. Needless to say, two people in a bad relationship living in a studio apartment is not a recipe for happiness or success.

2011-2012
2nd & Wisconsin
Lawrence, KS 66044

After the inevitable breakup, I needed a place quickly without any long-term commitments; I was getting antsy to leave Kansas again and I didn’t want to be tied to a crappy bachelor pad lease. Thankfully, a friend graciously offered her vacant upstairs bedroom for a month-to-month lease. Great situation, nice home, quiet neighborhood. An ideal place to plan a move back to Chicago, as it turns out.

2012-?
Lincoln Square, Chicago. Hi there. If you really want my address, you’ll have to ask.

Conclusion: I am a semi-transient who has lived in a lot of mediocre, but never quite truly shitty, apartments.

Bobby Big Wheel: In Defense of Slacktivism

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 14:23:00 -0500

Bobby Big Wheel: In Defense of Slacktivism:

I agree; I’m just too ~~lazy~~ busy to write my own post on it.

bobbybigwheel:

Well, the backlash to the backlash is on. All us good-minded liberals and our Chick-Fil-A boycotts are being impugned by fellow travelers because there’s no way you can avoid every company that disagrees with your beliefs. And they’re right. My iPhone was built by Chinese slaves, my Rite-Aid…

Don't Shut Up. Don't Ever Shut Up.

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 15:32:42 -0500

Over on The Classical, David Roth explains why his terrific Internet World Wide Web-page has not, to date, weighed in on The Penn State Scandal. The upshot is that 1) most right-minded people had it pretty much figured out from the time the story broke and 2) it’s a big issue, not solvable in 5-minute “debates” on ESPN. He’s right, but that doesn’t mean we should shut up. OK, well maybe ESPN’s empty suits should. Nobody, save ESPN producers (and, oh God, the millions who apparently tune into ESPN’s afternoon bright-colors-and-yelling-o-ramas), likes bloviation for bloviation’s sake.

Simply put, shutting up will allow this story to be swept away with the news cycle. There are a lot of interested and invested parties, from University endowments to boards of trustees everywhere to the NCAA to ESPN to college football scribes and fans, who would enjoy seeing the Penn State scandal in their rearview mirrors with no meaningful reform or change having occurred. “It was a few bad apples at one school,” their story goes, which is total bullshit - it was a total institutional failure aided and abetted by America’s love affair with college football and the coach-as-demigod myth. Locking up a monster like Sandusky and the spineless fucks who enabled him is good, yes, but is not the end of the story. Shutting up might let the status quo survive, and I’m not cynical enough to think that’s OK.

Hangover, Cured.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 12:45:13 -0500

“You’ve asked the right man. I sell the cause; I got the cure. When you wake up that way, first go to the store. I mean go to the store, Dad. You open that icebox door, get talking to the lettuce, and you could get mixed up with the milk bottles. That’s not good. Buy an avocado, not a hard one, not a soft one. It’s got to be just right—tender to the touch, but not too easy. When you get it home, peel it, but peel it gently, so there’s plenty of green left. Cut it in slivers, if your hand’s steady enough. Salt it light, ever so light. It’s better to use your right hand if you’re right-handed and you haven’t cut yourself yet. Eat that, like it is. Never chill it. It’s hard enough to taste it as it is. No, I’m not kidding, eat the avocado. Then you have sex—you know, nothing in bad taste, not fast, not vulgar. Take your time. Lie there a little while; catch a little shut-eye if you can. By no means go again. After you’re back down on the ground, I mean really down and relaxed, get up and step into the shower. The water’s got to be just right—not too hot, not too cold, just right. Spend a half hour there if you got to. When you step out, walk up to the mirror. Shave. Then use that sexy lotion. You walk out feeling new. You’re ready for your first drink of the day.

—John Leon, St. Paul Hotel, Los Angeles, California (by correspondence). Bar manager; white, male, about 35; born and reared in Los Angeles; of Mexican extraction; has been tending bar for 13 years.

[via The Awl, obviously]

VOTE TAFT IN ‘12 [source]

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 08:12:01 -0500

VOTE TAFT IN ‘12

[source]

The Kansas City Royals: April Fools

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 12:17:00 -0500

Yes, the Kansas City Royals are off to a bad start this April. Just how bad is it? Well, check out the Royals’ April record by year since 1981 (final record in parentheses):

2012: 3-11 (3-11)

2011: 14-12 (71-91)

2010: 9-14 (67-95)

2009: 12-10 (65-97)

2008: 11-15 (75-87)

2007: 8-18 (69-93)

2006: 5-17 (62-100)

2005: 6-18 (56-106)

2004: 7-14 (58-104)

2003: 16-7 (83-79)

2002: 8-16 (62-100)

2001: 10-15 (65-97)

2000: 12-13 (77-85)

1999: 9-11 (64-97)

1998: 11-15 (72-89)

1997: 11-12 (67-94)

1996: 9-18 (75-86)

1995: 2-2 (70-74)

1994: 9-11 (64-51)

1993: 9-14 (84-78)

1992: 3-17 (72-90)

1991: 8-11 (82-80)

1990: 6-12 (75-86)

1989: 16-8 (92-70)

1988: 12-10 (84-77)

1987: 9-10 (83-79)

1986: 9-10 (76-86)

1985: 11-8 (91-71)

1984: 8-11 (84-78)

1983: 10-7 (79-83)

1982: 11-8 (90-72)

1981: 3-10 (50-53)

The most remarkable thing about these numbers is that even when the Royals have been average or good as a whole, they have gotten off to pretty awful April starts. It’s kind of a chicken/egg situation, obviously, but a team that is usually at talent/competitive disadvantages from the outset really can’t afford such slow starts.

(stats from baseball-reference.com, obviously)

KU Wins, We Drink: An Overview of Andy's Night

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 17:32:02 -0600

via chronicler Jason:

This account includes only approximate time stamps. It’s just a review of facts…I’m not trying to add humor to anything, really, because Andy does enough.

12:30pm: Jason and Andy Robichaud show up to Louise’s West. There isn’t an empty table, and it’s a 5 minute wait, minimum, for a drink. Packed.

12:52pm: Robichaud finds one of his friends in a table and they have tickets to the game, so we plan to grab it after they leave. His friend’s friend is a Mizzou fan, and he proclaims that “Mizzou is going to get rolled by 15, I think. Either KU wins by 15 or Mizzou wins a close one.”

1:00pm: Andy Smith and Sean show up. They didn’t bring me a fish sandwich, so I will be waiting until dinner to eat my first meal.

1:45pm: Zac shows up with his friend and his girlfriend. Everyone is optimistic and happy.

2:00pm: I’ve had three beers and 28 cigarettes by now. Andy is fighting the urge to have a Jamison shot already.

2:10pm: John Wurth shows up with something called a Stump.

3:00pm: The Pac-12 Fail Fest still isn’t over.

3:15pm??: Sometime after the game is supposed to start it starts.

4:15pm??: I conclude that the game is over, and I’m not even close to alone. Sean and Robichaud assert that we’ll win the game. JWurth and I laugh at them.

4:45pm: Andy starts the tradition of pounding on the air ducts to get the rest of the bar excited, and does this after every big basket. He claims that his thumb is broken as the game nears the end.

5:45pm: KU scores first in the overtime, I decide that it’s a sign (like the Memphis game) that we’re going to win, and Robichaud hard-spikes a half-full beer on the bar floor and no one is really surprised or bothered by this.

6:00pm: As I knew all along, KU wins. Every single person hugs every other person. I even hug that Stump thing.

6:15pm: Andy buys everyone a shot that he doesn’t hate. In other words, everyone but Stump. At this point, he’s getting pretty salty and we’re all thankful Sean has his car keys.

6:30pm: Kristi and Andy disappear to the bar “for shots” and come back with the smell of sex. They also took shots. Sean leaves, as Zac has assured us all that he’ll take Andy home.

8:00pm: Everyone has left but Andy, Kristi, Pete, and myself. Kristi can barely walk, so I’m trying to get her home so I can have sex. I decide to meet up with Pete after taking Kristi home.

8:05pm: Kristi uses the “I’m going to be sick…you might need to pull over” line to avoid sex.

8:07pm: Kristi throws up. She’s dedicated to avoiding sex.

8:08pm: I put my wife in bed; she can’t even put sentences together so I have to take her fucking shoes off for her. At the same time, I get a call from Zac saying that Andy has jumped out of Zac’s car “while it was moving” on Mass St. because he didn’t want to go home. I call Pete to get him to pick up Andy while I drive to meet them there.

8:15pm: Pete finds Andy, who is cussing at strangers. Andy insists that he should stay in a hotel, so he walks into Eldridge and demands a room.

Andy: “I need a room.”

Eldridge Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but we are booked for the night.”

Andy: “What if I give you $100? It’s always worked for me before.”

Eldridge Employee: “Sorry sir, but we really don’t have an empty room.”

8:20pm: Andy tells Pete to find him a room at Springhill Suites. Pete calls and they don’t have any rooms either. Pete checks his Priceline App and it says that there is a room available through their service, so he tries to book it for Andy using Andy’s credit card. It doesn’t go through, and this angers Andy greatly.

He proceeds to cuss at Pete and make fun of Pete’s phone, and is so angry that he starts throwing his body into a storefront window on Mass as if he was trying to break down a door to make a drug bust. Fortunately, he was too uncoordinated to do any damage. I’m not kidding or exaggerating, really.

Unfortunately, other people are walking past and staring at him.

Andy [to each stranger]: “Fuck you. Keep walking.”

8:30pm: I arrive downtown and find them in Free State. Immediately, I insist we go elsewhere because it’s packed in there and Andy could do serious damage.

8:32pm: Andy walks by the front window of Liberty Hall and gives the window a forearm shiver. He hits it hard. Luckily, the window doesn’t break. To be fair, the window said some things you shouldn’t say to a sensitive man.

Andy [to a guy standing in front of Liberty Hall]: “Fuck you.”

Guy: “Fuck you. What’s your problem?”

Andy: “Mind your fucking business. Are you the fucking guardian of Liberty Hall or something?”

8:35pm: Pete, Andy, and I arrive at MexQuisito for dinner. Andy looks swell.

8:50pm: Andy tries to push Pete’s and my plate off the table using his own plate, and starts throwing food.

Pete: “Andy, how’s your food?”

Andy: “Shut the fuck up or I’ll stab you in the face.”

[Andy points his butter knife at Pete multiple times the rest of the night. Each time, it’s unprovoked.]

8:57pm: Andy refuses to let us pay for dinner and covers the check. He’s starting to fade, though.

9:03pm: We walk out of MexQuisito.

Andy [to some poor African-American chap with an Alabama shirt on]: “Alabama fucking sucks.”

Guy: “Fuck you. KU sucks.”

Andy: “You stupid motherfucker. I’ll stab you in the face.”

[Realizes he gave up the butter knife]

9:07pm: Andy stops between two cars on Mass St and vomits everything in his stomach.

Andy: “You’ve just seen something that doesn’t happen very often. Don’t say anything about this ever again or I’ll fucking kill you.”

Jason: “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

Andy: “Promise me right now you won’t say anything.”

Jason: “……….”

9:25pm: Andy and I reach my house. Andy refuses to sleep in the extra bedroom where he’d have a bed to himself, and insists that he should sleep on the couch. He refuses a pillow. He reluctantly accepts a blanket.

Good night, sweet prince.

stormingthefloor: LOLTyshawn is proud of himself.

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:37:26 -0600

stormingthefloor:

LOLTyshawn is proud of himself.

Gotta be kind of hard to enjoy sports, Twitter, or life if...

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 20:52:34 -0500

Gotta be kind of hard to enjoy sports, Twitter, or life if you’re constantly worried about what some drunk asshole on Twitter has to say. My advice to Darren Rovell is to HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME and have a Dr Pepper, friend!

theautoinsider: Snap of the Day: Slideways. – via

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 15:44:16 -0500

theautoinsider:

Snap of the Day: Slideways.

– via

Damn, talk about a murderer’s row of online...

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 09:21:59 -0600

Damn, talk about a murderer’s row of online sportswriting.

jamiemottram:

FanHouse, 2006-2010 (pictured: pre-launch mock from the summer of ‘06)

And a bonus sampling of the early roster (there were many, many others):

Bethlehem Shoals (FreeDarko)
Brian Cook (MGoBlog)
Eamonn Brennan (ESPN)
Enrico Campitelli Jr. (The 700 Level)
Eric McErlain (Off Wing Opinion)
Greg Wyshynski (Puck Daddy)
Ian Cohen (Pitchfork, Spin)
J.E. Skeets (The Basketball Jones)
J.P. Press (Japers’ Rink)
Jack Kogod (Kissing Suzy Kolber)
James Mirtle (Globe and Mail)
Jason McIntrye (The Big Lead)
John Ness (NBC)
Jon Bois (SB Nation)
Marcel Mutoni (SLAM)
Matt Ufford (Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather, Warming Glow)
Michael David Smith (FanHouse)
Alana Nguyen (YardBarker)
MJD (Shutdown Corner)
Nate Jones (Goodwin Sports)
Ryan Corazza (ESPN)
Ryan Wilson (FanHouse)
Spencer Hall (Every Day Should Be Saturday)
Stephanie Stradley (Houston Chronicle)
Tom Fornelli (CBS Sports)
Tom Mantzouranis (FanHouse)
Tom Ziller (SB Nation)

Bob.

Fri, 17 Dec 2010 14:53:26 -0600

Bob.